Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Green mimosas i think yes
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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