Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
