Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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