I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
porn star boner night. come get it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
