New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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