so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
