my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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