you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just googled if crying burns calories
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
