if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
