he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
