I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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