I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
