i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This is classic penis vs brain.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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