Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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