How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
