Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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