It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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