you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
