Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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