Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
