toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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