No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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