just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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