I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
