Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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