He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
