It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
