The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
