i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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