it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think I am morally bankrupt
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
