She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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