you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
