Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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