I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
