we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
