as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
