Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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