I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
