When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
