I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I believe in your delicious
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