Please, let me fuck your mom
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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