its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
