Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
