I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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