Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
