I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
