11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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