if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Is it because I queefed?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
