I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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