I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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