it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
