Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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