That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
