I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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