im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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