I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
