don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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